Paying for weddings

[corn18]

When does it end? I have everything in order for all of my various funds and retirement savings. Life was good and I was happy with the long term plan. Then I was on the flight to vacation and sat next to a guy who was going to his daughter's wedding. $40k he said. Yikes! Now I know that a wedding doesn't need to cost $40k, but I don't have any wedding fund and no plans to start one. Maybe I need to fix that.

So, what have you parents done WRT paying for a daughter's wedding?

Thanks,

Tom

[rob62521]

Ouch! Perhaps you could start a fund for possible wedding and offer what you can afford to the couple to use as they see fit...wedding, down payment on a home, money for honeymoon.

Twenty five years ago my folks did not have money for a wedding. We did things on a shoestring and used our own savings for a down payment on a home. We are still happily married and no one went into debt over a fancy wedding.

[snafu]

There is a very successful marketing/advertising industry that fill our heads with fairy tales. It's up to us to keep our DKs grounded in reality and understand that a wedding is a celebration of a happy event. Going into debt for an education has value, going into debt for a 6 hour party just isn't our style or our value system. I'd be crushed if our DKs asked for serious money for a party.

[moneybags]

My plan for my daughter and son will be the same. They will get a set amount of money, not yet determined what that will be (not even close to $40,000). They can do whatever they want with the money - spend on a wedding, party, vacation, home, etc.

[sblatner]

We have two boys so won't have to pay for much!

[Jovanny]

Personal loans are always a good option to manage wedding expenses. Though you need not apply for $40k ..

[NJDebbie]

Personal loan to pay for a wedding!!? Seriously? M

[dawnwes]

Our wedding cost $5,000 and $1,800 was photos. Seriously. Next week we celebrate our 20th anniversary.

I just attended a wedding that was under $3,000. It was still beautiful. I was a close friend of the bride's family and helped with the set up, serving the food, and tear down.

Menu was "picnic" food. Pulled chicken BBQ sandwiches, potato salad (made by the church ladies), cole slaw, cupcakes (made by the family) and cake (made by a church member.)

Venue was a church that actually hadn't opened yet. Floor was still concrete, but worked as the bride put out chalk and the kids could draw on it.

It was lovely and they are married. Now they can focus on their marriage and not paying back some debt or stressing over the amount of money spent.

I will strongly encourage my boys to have a simple wedding. Today's weddings are over the top and the only ones I know that cost a fortune are divorced today. So, why?

End of rant.

[moneybags]

We have two boys so won't have to pay for much!

Is this a common assumption? I thought in 2015 it was a more evenly shared cost. I know many people that shared the cost between the 2 families.

[creditcardfree]

Is this a common assumption? I thought in 2015 it was a more evenly shared cost. I know many people that shared the cost between the 2 families.

We were married 19 years ago and my parents expected to pay for the entire reception, but in the end my husband's parents did help and covered half the cost. The reception total was $3K.

[corn18]

Not sure what I will budget for the weddings, but I think I will put some aside for them. I like the idea of offering a set amount and then let DD decide how to spend it. Not sure what my wife will think of that idea, but I guess I should get started with saving something so I am ready.

[Drake3287]

I also wonder about this. I have a son and two daughters all in there 20's. I think just giving X amount of money is the only thing I can do without breaking the bank. My son's long time girl friend has almost no relatives to help pay if they ever get married plus one of my daughters has a long time boy friend that comes from a very wealthy family. There is no way I could ever compete with that, not sure what will happen if and when they get married.

I'm certainly financially comfortable, but paying for multiple weddings is another story. I think the days of the brides family paying for everything is over. The average person can't afford it any more. I'd rather give money for a house down payment instead.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

My son is engaged, but no wedding plans are made yet. I suspect her family is less able to afford a big wedding than we are, and I do not consider us able to pay a lot. I feel a bigger personal desire to help them secure a place in this world. By that I mean a home. That seems far more important to me than a party to celebrate the wedding. In reality I think what we will do is share some expense. Neither of the two of them seem like they would enjoy a big, dressy, choreographed event or even the huge party, but I know sometimes the pressures come from outside the two getting married.

I have always felt that people getting married should be ready to pay for it themselves. Grown up enough to marry, grown up enough to follow your own budget. I thought this for myself and husband when we were getting married, too. I guess that was a good thing, as there was no one who could offer help anyway.

So I do find it weird that now that it is my son getting, I kind of feel like I'd like to help out. I just want them to keep it very modest. We've made no specific savings for this, though.

[scfr]

Not sure what I will budget for the weddings, but I think I will put some aside for them. I like the idea of offering a set amount and then let DD decide how to spend it. Not sure what my wife will think of that idea, but I guess I should get started with saving something so I am ready.

Definitely include your wife in this discussion, and the sooner the better. Your expectations may be the same, or they may be wildly different. Get it worked out now so that any differences don't cast a pall over your daughter's wedding.

FYI, there is no right or wrong answer about how much you & your wife will pay. It is really up to the 2 of you. You can pay nothing, you can pay the bills up to $xx amount, or you can give your daughter a set amount to do with as she sees fit.

[rob62521]

I agree with snafu...people are being brainwashed that a big fancy wedding is the way to go. Sad.