Financial advice for a 25 year old woman

[SweetButterfly90]

It's just so depressing, and I can't deal with it any longer :-(

[disneysteve]

If I don't pay off my debt by Christmas Day 2015, I will probably commit suicide. It's just so depressing, and I can't deal with it any longer :-(

You keep saying this stuff. Go back and reread my posts. Today is February 24. There is absolutely no reason why you can not be 100% debt free by August 24 if that's what you really want to do. If you make repaying debt and saving a priority rather than making spending a priority as it has been this will be gone in no time. You have pretty minimal debt relative to your income. I'm not sure why you feel so overwhelmed by it but I think having a plan and sticking to it will have you feeling better in no time.

If the debt isn't gone by Christmas, it will be because you failed to take any of the sound advice you've been given. I certainly hope to see you come back in August or September and announce that you are debt free. In fact, come back each time you pay off one of your debts and share that so we can celebrate with you.

[doingitallwrong]

I don't know any rich women who have not been supported by men

Queen Elizabeth springs to mind. (OK, she has family money, it's not the same.)

There are plenty of self-made wealthy women. J.K. Rowling, to stay in Britain. Oprah. Sarah Blakely.

I have always expected that my future husband would support me financially.

I think you need to change your expectation. Marriage should be a partnership, not a parent-child relationship.

If the debt isn't gone by Christmas, it will be because you failed to take any of the sound advice you've been given. I certainly hope to see you come back in August or September and announce that you are debt free.

Ditto.

[disneysteve]

Marriage should be a partnership, not a parent-child relationship.

I would take issue with this statement. I support my wife financially. I don't think that puts us in a parent-child relationship. There are many, many stay-at-home spouses out there, both men and women, who probably would agree with me. When my wife did work, she made only about 1/5 of what I make, so I was still supporting her financially. That didn't stop our marriage from being a partnership.

[autoxer]

I just feel so depressed, now all the clothes and shoes I bought, and the trips to the hair salon don't seem worth it.

That stuff isn't worth it. The sooner you realize that and stop spending money that way, the better off you will be.

I haven't given up on dating a rich guy. Like I said, I am really pretty, at least a 9/10. I'm just holding out for a guy with money, rather than dating every guy who compliments me. I am independent, I have been for at least two years now. I don't want to divorce, let alone have a divorce settlement - and I won't spend any of his money as I'll most likely have an allowance.

You have some funny views on money. Does dating a rich guy always include an allowance?

I just also have a problem with spending money, because I need things to feel pretty. Like a Chanel bag, and monthly trips to the hair salon. I did used to go weekly, but for obvious reasons I've had to cut down.

You don't need that crap. If you spend money to feel pretty and it leads you into debt and depression, then I'd argue that feeling pretty isn't worth it. The short term high that you get from the salon isn't worth the long term consequences.

I have always expected that my future husband would support me financially... I don't know any rich women who have not been supported by men.

If you can learn to support yourself financially, then you will be a lot more attractive to potential mates. That will go much further than some hair treatment.

[disneysteve]

If you can learn to support yourself financially, then you will be a lot more attractive to potential mates.

I was going to say the same thing. Certainly, when I was single, a women who had her act together was a lot more attractive to me than one who spent freely, had a bunch of debt, and expected me to "fix" her. My wife was working and taking care of herself just fine before I came along. Once our daughter came along, she stopped working for about 10 years but that was a decision we made together. It wasn't because she wanted or expected me to support her. Had the numbers not worked, she would have continued working to help support the household.

[doingitallwrong]

I support my wife financially. I don't think that puts us in a parent-child relationship. There are many, many stay-at-home spouses out there, both men and women, who probably would agree with me.

Oh, absolutely. I didn't mean to imply that all financially supportive marriages are parent-child relationships. Given some of the statements the OP has made, such as wanting a man to save her and take care of her and give her an allowance, it appears that in her case that's what she's after.

[disneysteve]

Oh, absolutely. I didn't mean to imply that all financially supportive marriages are parent-child relationships. Given some of the statements the OP has made, such as wanting a man to save her and take care of her and give her an allowance, it appears that in her case that's what she's after.

You know, it's actually kind of interesting to follow this conversation. Societal expectations have changed dramatically in a relatively short period of time. When I was growing up, the norm was for husbands to work and wives to stay at home. "Housewife" or "homemaker" was how most women described themselves. And I'm not talking ancient history. I'm talking about the 1970s and 1980s. Here we are now coming down on a woman who still finds that model appealing. Is that so wrong?

My wife made it clear early on that she was not interested in having a career. She wanted her "job" to be to take care of family and home. She has worked when her income was needed and will gladly do so again if necessary but she is happiest when she's home doing "homemaker" stuff like shuttling our daughter around (yes, even now with her in college there is some shuttling to be done), baking fresh bread, prepping dinner, or being home to coordinate repairs or deliveries. Like the OP, she is not a feminist. She feels no burning desire to be independent of my support. She knows she is capable of supporting herself if that were to become necessary but in the meantime, she is quite happy to be financially dependent on me - and I'm fine with that arrangement as well. Who is to say that that situation is "wrong"?

[SweetButterfly90]

Okay, it's 7pm in the UK. I have work in the morning. Thanks for the replies. I'll let you know in the near future if I meet my goals....

[disneysteve]

Okay, it's 7pm in the UK. I have work in the morning. Thanks for the replies. I'll let you know in the near future if I meet my goals....

Good luck. Just keeping focusing on the goal and the steps along the way to reach that goal. Like I said, if you can just focus on paying off one debt at a time, once the ball gets rolling, you'll feel so much better about your situation. Keep us posted.

[bjl584]

I am trying to get rid of them. I have been living like this since I was 18, paycheck to paycheck, online shopping, weekly hair and nail appointments, buying designer bags and make-up instead of paying rent... I just want to get out of debt.

There's a big part of the problem.

You're putting wants before needs.

It's hard for me to imagine making shopping trips or hair appointments a priority, but it's quite common.

You need to take care of your needs first. Set some money aside. Pay your debts. Pay your bills. Buy groceries. Put gas in your car. Then and only after all that is taken care of should you be going to the mall.

[doingitallwrong]

When I was growing up, the norm was for husbands to work and wives to stay at home. "Housewife" or "homemaker" was how most women described themselves. And I'm not talking ancient history. I'm talking about the 1970s and 1980s. Here we are now coming down on a woman who still finds that model appealing.

No, she doesn't find that model appealing. Most housewives were (are) not seeking out rich men to marry so they could continue to be irresponsible with money. She doesn't want a "traditional" marriage. The OP wants to be Julia Roberts' character in Pretty Woman, before she gave up getting paid.

She knows she is capable of supporting herself if that were to become necessary

That is the key difference between your wife and the OP. I have no problem with women who choose to stay home, maybe raise a family, and let their husbands support them financially. It's not a wrong choice, when it's a choice. In this case, the OP does not think she is capable of supporting herself, and she's not looking for a man with whom to share her life. She's looking for a man to save her, and she feels that's really the only way she can get out of debt. I'd have the same objection to a young man who recklessly spent all of his money and sought out a rich woman to marry so that he could continue to be reckless.

It's not the gender roles that are the issue, for me, it's the refusal to grow up and take responsibility for one's own life. It just happens to be a woman posting in this instance.

[snafu]

SweetButterfly, you need to give yourself a new inner voice message. You are attractive, bright, earning sufficient income to get out of this temporary mess and look after yourself. Being smart and planning spending isn't hard. You certainly haven't added value to yourself or self esteem by buying a Channel handbag. There is no way that buying stuff will ever fill the hole in your heart. All the research confirms and reconfirms retail therapy doesn't work. It makes things worse. Give yourself an 'allowance' and when it's spent, spending in that category stops until next pay

If you want to leave shared accommodation and rent an apartment, you've got to drop this old mindset and clean up your credit. Landlords don't want 'deadbeat' tenants. They check credit ratings. With the unemployment numbers up, employers are also reviewing their workers credit scores. You are risking your job flaunting irresponsibility.

We're not millionaires, we work hard and plan spending

[SweetButterfly90]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. You're 25. The chances of being a millionaire at that age are infinitesimally small. But you could certainly be doing things at that age to put you on a solid path to financial security as you move ahead in life.

Here's a simple example. We've already determined that you have about £700/month free from your current income. Invest that at a 6% return and you would be a millionaire by the time you're 60.

You're young. You've made some very common financial mistakes. But you have a good income relative to your actual expenses and have lots of time to turn this around. As I've said, you can be debt free in 6 months if you want to be. That's not a long time at all. It's all up to you.

Just been paid, I now havr just over £1000 in savings. I spent some money earlier today on train tickets to London. I paid my rent - so I will have around £300 to live on for the month which I think is more than enough.

[disneysteve]

I will have around £300 to live on for the month which I think is more than enough.

Great. And the real key is not "I think is more than enough" but rather "that's what I've got and I need to make sure it's enough". A very important word you need to learn to tell yourself and others is NO. Make a plan and stick with it and you will see results quickly. Keep us posted.