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Help with budget

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  • Help with budget

    I have been trying to establish a good budget. My issue is that my live-in girlfriend and I can not see eye to eye on anything. First, a little background. I own a house, have a steady job and make a good living. We have been together three years, since back in college. I am 26, she is 25. I studied economics, graduated and found employment immediately. She studied liberal/vocal arts, flunked out, has $50,000 in student loans. She also got in some trouble with her driving priviledges and owes some $3000 to get her license back.

    Here are my issues:
    My take home pay is roughly $2,500 after all healthcare, taxes and 401K deductions.
    She watches our son during the day while I work, and she works about 15 hours per week at night and then I watch our son. We do this because child care costs are way too high.

    I pay all my bills on time. Here are my expenditures.
    Mortgage = 700
    Electric = 100
    Gas = 88
    Water = 45
    trash = 45
    cell phones = 45
    Internet = 39
    Sewer = 30
    Cable = 100
    Groceries = 400
    Dry cleaning/laundry=30
    Gas, oil, car = 150
    Auto Insurance = 40
    Baby supplies = 60
    Credit card = 25
    Student Loan = 122
    Fun stuff = 150

    Leaves us with $331 each month for savings...I have been unable to actually save this though.

    Owed:
    Mortgage = 87000
    Student Loans = 12000
    Credit Card = 600

    She believes she is destined to be a famous singer, and won't help me with any bills because she spends all the money she makes in her part time job on things for herself. She does not pay on her student loans either because she doesn't think the 400 she makes per month will even help.

    We recently payed off her license issues for the 3000. My money, with her paying 100 back per month.

    My question is this, she refuses to work anywhere that is not about singing...Currently works at a live music venue as a waitress... How do I get her to realize that I need her help if we are ever going to get ahead without crushing her dreams?

    We are fighting constantly, she always wants to go out with friends and I tell her we can't afford babysitters or to go to bars because we have no money, and she thinks I am trying to be controlling with the money. Please help!!

    I pay all the bills,

  • #2
    Your issue goes way beyond the scope of a financial forum. Your issue isn't money. Your issue is your girlfriend. I would suggest some sort of relationship counseling. You two need to get on the same page. Good luck.
    Brian

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    • #3
      This is more of a relationship issue, than financial. My first suggestion is counseling...do not pay any bills that are not related to you or your child.
      Last edited by creditcardfree; 09-14-2012, 06:18 PM.
      My other blog is Your Organized Friend.

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      • #4
        Having a kid with this woman has tied you to her more than even marriage would have. I agree that this is not a financial issue. Since you are already paying all the bills I would seek full custody and stop having anything to do with the mother of your child. Whatever you choose to do, counseling is a must.

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        • #5
          I agree that this is more of a relationship issue than a financial issue, but I'm going to take a shot at it anyway. I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough situation. If not for your child, I would advise you to just kick the girlfriend out until you either get on the same page or decide to end the relationship. But, I wouldn't throw out a girl you have a child with so easily.

          I normally don't think people who aren't married should be making combining finances, but unmarried people who have kids together put themselves into a weird limbo where they shouldn't be combining finances but have to work together on somethings. Therefore, I would suggest sitting down and looking at the numbers with your girlfriend. I think it makes sense for you to control the money since your earn it and you are not married. But, that doesn't mean that you can't show her the books and get her input on things. Ask where she would make adjustments to pay for things she'd like to do. Maybe she'd give up the cable if it meant an extra night or two out with friends every month?

          If you think she really does have the talent to be a professional singer, I don't think you need to crush her dreams. But, I do think she still needs a strong dose of reality. Tell her that you want to help her achieve her dreams, but you need some help with handling daily life in the meantime. Even if she somehow gets discovered tomorrow night, it will still be a while till her singing career starts bringing in boatloads of money. So, she might have to work somewhere that doesn't have anything to do with music to earn more money right now. As long as it brings in money that can be used to keep her alive while working towards her dream, it supports her ultimate goal. Are there things that she would like to do to help her become a singer that you just can't afford? The cost of making a demo tape or something like that? If so, you might try talking about earning more and saving what you have would make it easier to meet her ultimate career goals. You might also point out that several celebrities make it big only to go broke anyway because they don't learn to manage their money well before finding they have more of it than they know what to do with. If she reaches her goal of becoming a famous singer, she going to need good money management skills more than ever, so she might as well start working on them.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by phantom View Post
            I agree that this is more of a relationship issue than a financial issue, but I'm going to take a shot at it anyway. I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough situation. If not for your child, I would advise you to just kick the girlfriend out until you either get on the same page or decide to end the relationship. But, I wouldn't throw out a girl you have a child with so easily.

            I normally don't think people who aren't married should be making combining finances, but unmarried people who have kids together put themselves into a weird limbo where they shouldn't be combining finances but have to work together on somethings. Therefore, I would suggest sitting down and looking at the numbers with your girlfriend. I think it makes sense for you to control the money since your earn it and you are not married. But, that doesn't mean that you can't show her the books and get her input on things. Ask where she would make adjustments to pay for things she'd like to do. Maybe she'd give up the cable if it meant an extra night or two out with friends every month?

            If you think she really does have the talent to be a professional singer, I don't think you need to crush her dreams. But, I do think she still needs a strong dose of reality. Tell her that you want to help her achieve her dreams, but you need some help with handling daily life in the meantime. Even if she somehow gets discovered tomorrow night, it will still be a while till her singing career starts bringing in boatloads of money. So, she might have to work somewhere that doesn't have anything to do with music to earn more money right now. As long as it brings in money that can be used to keep her alive while working towards her dream, it supports her ultimate goal. Are there things that she would like to do to help her become a singer that you just can't afford? The cost of making a demo tape or something like that? If so, you might try talking about earning more and saving what you have would make it easier to meet her ultimate career goals. You might also point out that several celebrities make it big only to go broke anyway because they don't learn to manage their money well before finding they have more of it than they know what to do with. If she reaches her goal of becoming a famous singer, she going to need good money management skills more than ever, so she might as well start working on them.


            Thank you for trying to take a stab. I was hoping by starting with finances, the rest would hopefully fall into place. Somewhat rough situation going on, but most of our fights are boiling down to finance at this point. I will see what we have available for some couples counseling

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by BuckyBadger View Post
              Having a kid with this woman has tied you to her more than even marriage would have. I agree that this is not a financial issue. Since you are already paying all the bills I would seek full custody and stop having anything to do with the mother of your child. Whatever you choose to do, counseling is a must.
              Seek full custody? So you advocate that their child spend little/no time with the mother? Is she doing their child any harm? I didn't hear him say he doesn't love his girlfriend anymore. I agree that the girlfriend has zero skills in money matters but they should seek help from a financial counselor first before taking such drastic measures.

              To the OP, if she loves you, she needs to shape up.

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              • #8
                This woman is wound up in her own ego centered world, only loves herself and her belief that she is destined to be famous. She may be talented but her chances of 'making it' are similar to hitting the lottery. For the sake of the child, I suggest you unwind yourself financially and emotionally and seek full custody. The lady will find someone else to fund her desire.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Focus on you and your child

                  I agree with everyone this is a relationship issue but it is also a financial and family issue. Her bills (student loans, etc.) do not impact your personal finances and credit score. Focus on what you have control over. You would be surprised on how much you have control over. You seem to be on the right track with tracking your expenses. "Knowing is half the battle."-- GI Joe If you have a mobile device, check out some of the apps that help keep track of your expenses. I use "Proof of Expense" iPhone App.

                  Hang in there. You are level headed. Focus on you and your child.

                  Take Care!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I am also in agreement that this isn't a financial issue, it's a relationship issue - one of mutual respect for starters.

                    But you asked for money help, so here are my suggestions:

                    1. Kill the cable, that's $100 a month you cannot afford and with internet, you can access hulu for some shows and get an antenna for the rest for less than 1 month of cable.

                    2. Reduce the fun stuff, it doesn't sound like you get much fun done anyway - for a tight budget like that, it should be $25 each + $50 for joint = $50 savings.

                    That sound mean you have $481 each month. I didn't see anything in there about insurance - with a child, you should both have life insurance, at least 2x your salary (I'd aim for a minimum of $250k). That'll be around $50 for two if you have no health issues. I also didn't seen anything in there about household goods (laundry detergent, shampoo, toilet paper, etc) or about personal upkeep (hair, clothing, etc). How do you allocate money to those? That should be around $100 more...

                    So with $330 left, you should be putting that into savings and preparing for child expenses. If your GF wants to go out more, then that should come from her salary. If she wants to be a singer, she needs to work for it - go to tryouts, send out CDs, etc - all of that from her salary.

                    Y'all are existing on a very low salary and I'm super impressed - we would need closer to $2,800 every month and that's still tight. Hang in there, work together, and something will hopefully improve.

                    PS. If she's not paying on her SL, her credit is probably shot - do NOT cosign ANYTHING with her and make sure to check your credit reports to be aware of what's there so she doesn't open up a card in your name. That is a very bad position to be in!

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                    • #11
                      I do have a life insurance policy which is deducted from my check through work. My salary is around $60K- Health insurance, 95% disability insurance are also deducted, along with 4% for 401K contrbutions. I have no plans on necessarily leaving her, she is a good mother and she is trying. She just had some mistakes in the past. I guess I will just have to set a budget and let her know exactly what it is, while including her. I do think some counseling would help, but how would I be able to afford that??

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