Seperate Finances Question

[disneysteve]

I guess I could see it working if both partners have similar incomes, but what if they don't. When my wife was working full-time, I earned 6 times as much as her. We basically used her income to pad our savings accounts and not much else. And for 10 or the 16 years we've been married, she was a SAHM and we lived entirely on my income. Separate finances just wouldn't have made any sense.

[aurielle]

We are married, kids are grown and gone, we rent, no student loans or big debt, and have paid-for beater cars. We have separate finances except for one joint savings account but I don't really use it for saving (DH does). Its more for transfering money between us.

We are similar to other posters. We split the rent, I buy the food and pay the utility bill, DH pays for the house phone/internet, cell phones, directTV and it works out roughly 50/50. We each pay our own car insurance (but that may change soon). I have a pension and Roth, DH has a 401k. DH mostly pays for entertainment, I am saving up the EF. I make a bit more than he does. We each have and pay our own CC's and I have an Amex that he is authorized user on for shared things.

But really its not all cut and dried. We don't keep track if I pay for this or he pays for that and worry about paying the other back. We don't keep lists and check off who paid for what and now you owe me or whatever. We love and trust each other and have a big spirit of generosity with each other so its really not about the money and who owes what. If I have it, I pay. If he has it, he pays. If we both have it, we sort of split it depending. Sometimes I only have my debit card but he wants to contribute to the purchase but we can't do it exactly in half so I'll pay for it all. Or vice versa.


If we go away for the weekend we each bring some cash, maybe he'll pay to get into the place we're going, and I'll buy dinner. Sometimes I'll pay the hotel bill and he'll pick up the other expenses. Sometimes we'll put most of the whole trip on the CC and when we get home we each pay half.

If one of us has a big unexpected expense and needs money, the other doesn't hesitate to give it. If he lost his job, all my money would go to supporting both of us and vice versa. (and it has happened before) We both know we are a team and we are in this together. Neither of us would ever, EVER let the other do without or let any bill go unpaid (his, mine, or ours) or only one of us go on vacation just because one of us is broke. That is just stupid and not what marriage is about.

Neither of us makes any big purchases without consulting the other. And if we ever decided to for example finance a car, we'd do it together with both names on the loan and title, and probably split the payment. As a matter of fact, we're buying a used car next month and I'm paying for the whole thing and both our names will be on the title.

We've both been married before and money problems were a big factor in the marriages for both of us so we decided together to keep our finances separate. And for me, like another poster said, if something bad happened I feel very secure in the fact that I will be okay financially and do what I need to do because my money isn't completely tied up with his.

Princess Perky (her in-laws) and Caoineag put it very well. DH and I are similar to them.

I hope I answered some of your questions.

[cptacek]

Is it safe to say that couples that keep their money separate have trust issues (with regards to money, not in regards to anything else)? And not even trust issues with their partner, but just trust issues about money in general that is projected onto their partner? Or that one or the other of the couple got burned at some point in the past? Or that some experience in the past taught them that they needed to be in charge of their own money?

Not accusing anyone of anything (!), but wondering if bad past experiences are the main reason for this, and if there is anyone who does the split thing and didn't have some issue in the past they haven't gotten past?

[PrincessPerky]

I think they just like all the extra math

[skydivingchic]

Is it safe to say that couples that keep their money separate have trust issues (with regards to money, not in regards to anything else)?

Not accusing anyone of anything (!), but wondering if bad past experiences are the main reason for this, and if there is anyone who does the split thing and didn't have some issue in the past they haven't gotten past?

At least for me, it comes down to control moreso than trust. I've never been financially burned in the past (at least not by anyone's mistakes but my own). As I said, my partner and I have very similar outlooks on finance, so I've no doubt that he would handle my money much the same as I myself do. I tend to be a bit of a control freak when it comes to things that affect me and my life. If a decision affects me in any significant way, I want final say in the matter. And finances certainly have a significant impact on my life. On the flip side, I wouldn't be comfortable handling DBF's finances either. In my opinion, he needs to have the power to walk away just as much as I do and I wouldn't want any of my mistakes to affect his bottom line.

[aurielle]

At least for me, it comes down to control moreso than trust. I've never been financially burned in the past (at least not by anyone's mistakes but my own). As I said, my partner and I have very similar outlooks on finance, so I've no doubt that he would handle my money much the same as I myself do. I tend to be a bit of a control freak when it comes to things that affect me and my life. If a decision affects me in any significant way, I want final say in the matter. And finances certainly have a significant impact on my life. On the flip side, I wouldn't be comfortable handling DBF's finances either. In my opinion, he needs to have the power to walk away just as much as I do and I wouldn't want any of my mistakes to affect his bottom line.

Yep. It's a control thing for me.

[Ima saver]

I have been married for over 31 years. My husband has always made a lot more than I have, but I always handled the finances. We each get an allowance. I cash his paycheck (i don't work anymore) save a certain percent, than pay all the bills. Anything left over is saved also. We are not spenders, so when we really do want or need something, we decided together to get it. I would hate to be a woman that had to ask her husband for money if she needs a new sweater or something. I have been in woman's clubs with women that have to ask for money and I would not want to be in their shoes.

[globetraveler]

First Post for me. So Hello!


My spouse and I have our own seperate checking accts, BUT we have a joint checking and a joint savings that our paychecks are deposited into twice a month and that we have several bills on auto billpay.

Once this happens, I transfer a small set amount of money from our joint checking to my checking acct for my montly spending.

My spouse of the other hand transfers all of their paycheck into their acct.

This is done this way because my spouse has always paid their own car payment, CC payment, and school loan. And then my spouse keeps a small part of it for their monthly spending like I do. They also have full access to my acct because I travel 90% of time for work. So they can access our money for emergencies if I am out of town.

Since I make 80% of the family income, I pay everything else.

I am also in the process of a "snowball" payoff on our Credit cards with a large portion of our income on a monthly basis. We will be consumer debt free in 20 months.

This works great for us.

I agree with most of the others on this thread buy saying "to each his/her own".

Whatever works for you and yours.

[gamecock43]

Well, it seems we have seen the gammit of couple finances. I am a pretty good mix of many methods posted.

1. I am a HUGE control freak with money. My fiance, not at all. So he lets me figure out everything.

2. long ago he learned MY spending tolerance and now does a good job spending within that standard. Video games are ok purchases. Fast food day after day will start me nagging.

3. We have seperate accounts. We tried a joint account and it drove me crazy telling him how much 'he' has in the account and how much 'I' have in the account.

4. All predetermined bills we split equally. I pay the bills and give him a monthly total he owes me.

5. He generally pays for things when we do things as a couple. Unless I tell him "lets go get dinner, I will pay." Otherwise, he pays.

6. His car is his car, mine is mine. I saved up for 2 years for my brand new vehicle. His car has over 100,000 miles and will need replacing in 2-3 years. While I was saving up, he 'helped me' by paying for more stuff than usual, and I will 'help him' by being more relaxed on bills and covering for more items. We have a wedding upcoming and traditionally it is my responcibility. I accept that responcibility because if he had to pay half the wedding it would break him. So I am covering it. But he knows its a big burden and he has stepped up by giving me spare money he has "to go towards the wedding."

7. Although we have seperate accounts, I am fully aware of his financial status at all times. I know that right now he has 1200 in his bank account and about 6,000 in savings. It helps me to know that, if it was a big black question mark I would panic and imagine debts and credit cards and wonder if we are 1 emergency away from him coming to me and telling me to wipe out everything I have for his stupid purchases. He does not ask me about my financials, but I volunteer it regularly, just to keep the money conversation going, and to be sure we are on the same page.

My mother really misspent money my whole life. Because of that I have an enormous fear of other peoples control over money. Including my own. Deep down I worry I cannot handle money. So I dont want to be responcible for someone elses money, and I dont want anyone else to control my money.

-we have no kids. I have no idea how things will play out if that happens.

-for years I made about 70% more than my fiance. We still split the bills evenly. I know it seems mean, but I felt that if you cant afford to pay your own way; ifsomeone is paying for you to survive, then it might encourage you to not work harder. To not earn more money. 2 yrs ago I quit my job, now we earn about the same amount of money. I will be returning to work soon, and things will get interesting, we are about to buy a house!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Interesting that kids affect finances so much. That people who don't have kids can more easily justify split accounts but when there are kids involved it doesn't seem so black and white.

[cheap]

Here's our situation:

My husband works and I am a SAHM. We have separate checking and savings accounts, but, many joint saving accounts and a joint business checking account. Although, our checking accounts are separate we are authorized users on both and have access to each others. In my savings account, I have the leftover money from a real estate sale that I had before we were married. We used some of the money for joint stuff. I also have the money from the package I took when I worked and my unemployment savings. Although, the savings account is in my name only, he is the beneficiary. Because he knows my ss# and passwords, he has access to it at anytime. In his savings account, he has the money he is saving to buy a new car when the times comes. He also probably uses that to buy me special gifts.

I take care of paying the bills and he takes care of funding our saving accounts. He writes me a check for all the bills plus a set monthly amount to take care of our daughter and/or incidentals.

Although, we both are not spenders, I love the separate accounts because I don't have worry about taking from an account someone else is using. I also like the fact when I buy gifts, it looks as if it is from "my" money. It works for us and we do not have trust issues.

I love my husband dearly!! I pray and plan on being with him until I die. However, I am realistic and like the fact that I have walking away money if needed.

[ceejay74]

I manage all the money stuff for my whole family (3 adults). Eventually (when we have assets worth protecting) I would like to make sure each of us has savings/investment accounts in our own names (right now we do each have our own retirement accounts), and also work out power of attorney/will/insurance stuff so we're all equally protected. At present though, we're just trying to get out of debt and live within our means; with nothing left over for savings. All our paychecks go into one account, and I pay all the bills, decide how much money we get to spend for fun, etc.

I am very open with our finances; they both read my blog regularly, plus I tell them what I'm planning. They will suggest things to do with the money sometimes, but I sort of have veto power (that is, if I say "yes, that should be manageable" we go for it, but if I say "we can't afford that right now" or "I'd like to put that extra money toward XYZ instead," they always go along with me). I say "sort of" because if either of them wanted more of a role or say in the finances, or had a wildly different set of goals, we would hash it out and make sure both/all our POVs were taken into account. I talk about where I'm planning on taking us financially and so far I've gotten the thumbs-up from them every time.

I have the largest salary, but that's not why I took it on. I just enjoy it and they really don't.

[cptacek]

I completely understand it and applaud it, actually, for people who aren't married.

As for people who are married, I still don't get it. I do understand it if each person takes control of a certain bill but they essentially share all the money. But to pay your husband half the mortgage by writing him a check? Or asking to borrow money from them? That seems strange to me.

[DebbieL]

I find the thought of completely co-mingling funds with someone completely foreign and weird to me, but to each their own. DH and I don't nickle and dime each other (he pays some things, I pay others - we aren't keeping score). I don't consider my money to be his (or his mine), and would have no problem using the word “borrow” if I needed help or vice versa. There would be no interest or anything like that, but if he gave me money I would pay him back (and would expect the same). We never fight or disagree about finances, but both enjoy managing our own money. We do have one joint account that we each put money into for bills, but everything beyond that is separate. I have no desire to ever change the way we have it. It works well for us, and is such a non-issue that I can’t understand how others have such a hard time with it (not others in our life, just others on the internet, lol).

PS – I know many other couples who run their finances in a similar way. I just think it’s smart. If you can completely join finances and feel comfortable with that then that’s great for you. That will NEVER be me.