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Couples and their finances

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  • #16
    Originally posted by maat55 View Post
    I'm living with a financial two year old. Things need to be discussed and there is only one adult at the table.
    LOL this is my DH too. I made a journal with all our financial info in it for him if anything happened to me. Everything is written down in that book. He has absolutely no idea nor does he want to. Although he says he could do it if he didn't have me...but definetely not as good.haha I've even taken to showing my DD12 where some things are and how to do them if need be because it worries me what their life would be w/o me. He'd knows we have an ING account but would be clueless how to get to the money without the journal. I have to admit I do like taking care of everything but I do wish he'd take more of an interest in it so I'd have someone to talk to. I'll be getting an inheritance and I have a thread on here about it and when I try to tell him some of the advise I've gotten he just doesn't care says he knows I'll make the best decision. But sometimes I don't want it all on me to decide

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    • #17
      I hate to say it, but my wife alone, would end up BK at sometime. She wouldn't do it quick but it would happen. Her credit score would tank in a hurry.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Thrif-t View Post
        LOL this is my DH too. I made a journal with all our financial info in it for him if anything happened to me. Everything is written down in that book. He has absolutely no idea nor does he want to. Although he says he could do it if he didn't have me...but definetely not as good.haha I've even taken to showing my DD12 where some things are and how to do them if need be because it worries me what their life would be w/o me. He'd knows we have an ING account but would be clueless how to get to the money without the journal. I have to admit I do like taking care of everything but I do wish he'd take more of an interest in it so I'd have someone to talk to. I'll be getting an inheritance and I have a thread on here about it and when I try to tell him some of the advise I've gotten he just doesn't care says he knows I'll make the best decision. But sometimes I don't want it all on me to decide

        You know that loud scream you get when you take something away from a baby. Reminds me of DW when I tell her we have to move, or drive less, or work more hours etc. Not being on the same page is a bummer.

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        • #19
          Ya plus I get tired of always being told I'm CHEAP!!

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          • #20
            maat55,

            My wife is exactly like yours. She wants nothing to do with finances, budgets, discussion, etc. Worst of all she comes from a family that was fairly well off and doesn't have any self control when it comes to spending.

            My main complaint is that she gets pissed off at me when I tell her that we need to save money, save for retirement, get on a budget, etc. She has no sense of the future and what it takes to live comfortably.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by billchrz View Post
              maat55,

              My wife is exactly like yours. She wants nothing to do with finances, budgets, discussion, etc. Worst of all she comes from a family that was fairly well off and doesn't have any self control when it comes to spending.

              My main complaint is that she gets pissed off at me when I tell her that we need to save money, save for retirement, get on a budget, etc. She has no sense of the future and what it takes to live comfortably.
              What we need is for one of those silly romance novelist to write a tricky romance-finance book.

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              • #22
                maat55,

                Firstly, I'd suggest that you keep trying to communicate with your wife about finances. I may be reading too much in to your comments, but it sounds like in addition to some annoyance you are also genuinely concerned that if you weren't around your family's finances would suffer terribly.

                Secondly, I'd suggest that you accept the fact that your wife probably will not ever be as interested in finances as you are, so just focus on what you feel are the really important issues and let the rest go.

                Thirdly, I'd suggest you speak to her in a language she understands. If she's in to sports, use sports analogies. If she's in to cooking, compare finances to a recipe. If she's in to fashion, compare it to putting together a wardrobe.

                Finally, please be encouraging. Obviously, you're much better at finances than she is. Don't make her feel like you think she's stupid. Encourage any progress she makes.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by maat55 View Post
                  What we need is for one of those silly romance novelist to write a tricky romance-finance book.
                  Oh ... Does she like romance novels?

                  Well, maybe someone on this forum who reads them can tell you the typical formula (plot line), and we can come up with a way to relate it to PF?

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by scfr View Post
                    Oh ... Does she like romance novels?

                    Well, maybe someone on this forum who reads them can tell you the typical formula (plot line), and we can come up with a way to relate it to PF?

                    I'm open to anything.

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                    • #25
                      Sit and talk over a meal out. That's the only way I get DH to really listen. Without me, he would put everything on autopilot. Autopilot car payment, autopilot retirement, savings, etc. He's a very CHEAP guy and not spendy. When we meet he had like $30k saved and we could buy a condo together and he bought his own car and a small loan $5k.

                      My DH isn't irresponsible with money, heck no. It's just that he really isn't that into it.

                      I'm okay with that and he's completely into trusting me so he's more lax.

                      I break it down into small sessions if we have to talk focus on ONE point. Like today over dinner out I discussed if we should keep ESPP (on 7/1) invested or flip it and put it into a Money Market. We discussed the volatility and our chosen risk, and whether we were okay losing money. And how much we should leave in there?

                      That was about 10 minutes and that's it for awhile. Other money discussion was we can't afford an expensive vacation this summer, just a cheaper one. Another 10 minutes deciding how much to spend.

                      So 20 minutes. You gotta choose your battles before the uninteresed financial person stops listening, maat.

                      Besides, you have us to talk to. Your spouse probably like mine doesn't want to talk finances all the time.
                      LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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                      • #26
                        Gosh, we talk about money every couple of days. And, every Sunday I balance the check books and talk to him about what farm expenses are coming up that week. I handle all the investments, taxes, tracking everything, and I'll have him look at the spreadsheet with the current bills and the projected expenses to let him know how we are doing and what I need coming in from the farm in order to keep er rolling.

                        I keep getting sideswiped by bills I don't know about ahead of time, though. This month we have a $900 crop insurance bill due that I found out about earlier this month. I tried to have him tell me the known bills in January so I could plan for it, but he simply forgot about this one. Next year will be much easier to plan for, because I'll have everything we spent money on this year itemized out.

                        The one big fight we've had so far (only married 5 months) is that before I took over the bills he never kept receipts. I need him to keep them for two reasons...checkbook balancing and tax deductions. If we don't write off all the expenses we legitimately can, that is like missing out on a 25% discount. It took about 3 months for him to get in the habit of grabbing the receipt whenever he buys something, but now it is automatic.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post
                          Sit and talk over a meal out. That's the only way I get DH to really listen. Without me, he would put everything on autopilot. Autopilot car payment, autopilot retirement, savings, etc. He's a very CHEAP guy and not spendy. When we meet he had like $30k saved and we could buy a condo together and he bought his own car and a small loan $5k.

                          My DH isn't irresponsible with money, heck no. It's just that he really isn't that into it.

                          I'm okay with that and he's completely into trusting me so he's more lax.

                          I break it down into small sessions if we have to talk focus on ONE point. Like today over dinner out I discussed if we should keep ESPP (on 7/1) invested or flip it and put it into a Money Market. We discussed the volatility and our chosen risk, and whether we were okay losing money. And how much we should leave in there?

                          That was about 10 minutes and that's it for awhile. Other money discussion was we can't afford an expensive vacation this summer, just a cheaper one. Another 10 minutes deciding how much to spend.

                          So 20 minutes. You gotta choose your battles before the uninteresed financial person stops listening, maat.

                          Besides, you have us to talk to. Your spouse probably like mine doesn't want to talk finances all the time.

                          I think she will slowly come around. But she fights very hard to keep the status quo. Unlike her, I don't care what family or friends would think if we were to buy a less expensive house and drive cheaper cars. I hate that in the end, I have to demand, to make the necessary changes and when I don't I fear that we are at risk.

                          As we sit, we are debtfree other than the house. We have an EF of 10,000. We are investing 550.00 into IRA's and 600.00 into savings for a car-wedding-building fund. We can last a few years on the cars. The wedding though not set, could be early next year. The building is a monster in the closet.

                          I rent from my uncle at a very cheap rate. But the roof needs to be replaced and he will not do it. The city is planning to buy it out at a date undetermined. I could buy the building or move to another at a higher rent or purchase. Because we have next to nothing saved for a purchase-move, I feel we should sell our house and move to town freeing up equity and lowering our fuel costs. She wants to stay here and pray the sun will shine.

                          If the city buys him out soon, I will be forced to move and take on a higher rent, lowering my income substantially forcing us to move or invest much less. Here in lies the problem, I'm not giving an inch on the investing.

                          Life is full of fun challenges!!

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                          • #28
                            This thread hits home for me. My wife took over paying the bills a few months ago and is much better at it than I ever was. Now we're making a little more money and are finally 'safe', except no savings. I'm all into aggressively saving and later investing, but she has no interest in any of it. To her, we make more money so now she thinks we can just get all the little things we "need." Then we'll just put away the 'extra' money that's left over..........................

                            So I guess we're in the stereotype as well.


                            edit: 'safe' = bare minimum paychecks are more than expenses. Just wanted to clarify that I whole-heartedly realize that we are NOT safe without savings...

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by jimstolz76 View Post
                              This thread hits home for me. My wife took over paying the bills a few months ago and is much better at it than I ever was. Now we're making a little more money and are finally 'safe', except no savings. I'm all into aggressively saving and later investing, but she has no interest in any of it. To her, we make more money so now she thinks we can just get all the little things we "need." Then we'll just put away the 'extra' money that's left over..........................

                              So I guess we're in the stereotype as well.


                              edit: 'safe' = bare minimum paychecks are more than expenses. Just wanted to clarify that I whole-heartedly realize that we are NOT safe without savings...
                              The best thing you could do is convince your wife that you should live on no more than 90% of your income and invest the rest, after building an 3 to 6 month EF. Don't wait to late in life to reap the rewards of compound interest.

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                              • #30
                                My hubby is just not interested in the details. As long as there is food on the table and we're saving something, he's fine. I do all the financial planning and such, which is fine with me because I'm better at it and it works for us. This works well for us only because our wants are few and we are both generally live a low maintenance inexpensive life. It also works because we agree on basic tenants of finance-- no debt. If we have to take out a loan for it, we can't afford it. Period. So we'll just make do without.

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