Sometimes, getting rich can be skipped.

[Nika]

In trying to find the life/work balance, I thought about how different people have different approaches. Many see accumulation of money as a first step in achieving other goals, but sometimes those goals can be achieved with less money than we think if we prioritize them directly.

When I thought about what I wanted, I thought things like - if I was rich, I could find time to exercise, get a trainer, have a personal cook and than it would be easier to be in great shape.

But when we made exercise a priority, with just one personal training session a week(on my lunch break), a repeat of that 2 days later without the trainer, running, and healthy cooking we were able to get results that I thought you needed to be rich to achieve (pregnancy set that back of course, but I know the lifestyle and have no doubt I will get back to it after the baby is born).

Or, spending time with family. This was a big one and a really hard one to achieve. We focused on flexibility at work. Between the 2 of us, in the month of June 13 out of 24 weekdays, one parent was at home. Travel comp time, compressed schedule, work from home, medical appointments, etc...
And it is a big percentage of time every month (I just tracked it this month).

After the baby is born, I will be taking significant amount of time to stay home. This will cause us to forfeit money, and we will need to be taking it out of savings to cover the shortfall. Of course, we had to save that money first in order to be able to do it, but we did not have to get rich first. Instead, we used the direct approach - what are the goals that are most important, and what are the ways we can achieve them?

It is better than comparing yourself to others, less or more fortunate. It is about what you want, and I think it helps to focus energy on those things, instead of wasting it on arbitrary benchmarks or some vague definition of success.

Of course, money is important because things like quality of education, child care and health care are very often directly impacted by resources you have, at least in this country. And these are basic things needed for security and well being.

But my point it, in many goals, sometimes there is a shortcut if the goal is tackled directly.

[GoodSteward]

Being rich or poor is a mindset, not a dollar amount. There are people who are considered rich, but are cheap and think of themselves as poor. Then there are people who have hardly no money and think they are rich living beyond their means.

My goal is to be financially free, which is a standard that can change I suppose. We made the call over a year ago that right now we are ok with my wife not working to be at home with the kids. I feel that family isn't a risk I'm willing to gamble with. Too many people are too hung up on careers and their lifestyles and are willing to sacrifice their marriages and family for them. They don't set out to do that, but relationships dissolve when they are not maintained.

I do not want to be rich. I just want to be satisfied with each step of the way to financial freedom.

[TexasHusker]

There simply isn't a dollar figure that is a suitable replacement for staying at home and raising the children that you were blessed to bear.

[creditcardfree]

It's nice to hear Nika that you figured this out!

[phantom]

Figuring out what's most important to you is a huge step in optimizing how you spend your time, money, and other resources. I find it incredibly tempting to always prioritize the accumulation of money for the future flexibility it affords. But, sometimes you just have to stop and say, doing this thing now is more important than whatever I might be able to do with more money in the future.

My husband and I have been struggling with the question of whether or not one of us should stay home with our daughter since she was born. It wasn't too hard to decide that I should take a few months for maternity leave since that was a temporary thing. But, the idea of one of us leaving the workforce more permanently is hard to contemplate. Neither of us is sure we want to give up the mental stimulation of our jobs or the income and stability that comes with us both working. Furthermore, it's unclear which of us would be better in the workforce and which would be better at home. I'm better at teaching and being patient, but he's better at making sure a good dinner ends up on the table every night. Meanwhile he's earned more than me for most of our time together, but I'm out earning him at the moment, so it's hard to tell who has the higher earning potential. For now, we're sticking with the status quo, but we're definitely giving serious thought to whether or not there are other options we'd prefer.

[scfr]

Yes ma'am!! And sometimes we can take one action that tackles several goals at once. For example, by pushing the baby in a stroller to the park we get exercise, have family time, connect with nature, and perhaps even socialize with neighbors all at the same time.

[Nika]

There simply isn't a dollar figure that is a suitable replacement for staying at home and raising the children that you were blessed to bear.

Whoa. I did not quite expect this turn in the discussion.
And does this primarily apply to women (which I find disturbing on a personal level) or to men too (and if so, how is society expected to function if it applies to both?).

I was not saying that being a stay at home mother is my goal in life.
Me staying at home for the first 1-2 years of baby's life is a temporary option we have elected to take based on our family's needs, very particular circumstances, priorities, logistics... etc. It is a rational choice that accounts for upsides and downsides, based on overall benefit to all 4 family members. It is not an emotional choice based on a sweeping statement.

[DaveInPgh]

Figuring out what's most important to you is a huge step in optimizing how you spend your time, money, and other resources. I find it incredibly tempting to always prioritize the accumulation of money for the future flexibility it affords. But, sometimes you just have to stop and say, doing this thing now is more important than whatever I might be able to do with more money in the future.

My husband and I have been struggling with the question of whether or not one of us should stay home with our daughter since she was born. It wasn't too hard to decide that I should take a few months for maternity leave since that was a temporary thing. But, the idea of one of us leaving the workforce more permanently is hard to contemplate. Neither of us is sure we want to give up the mental stimulation of our jobs or the income and stability that comes with us both working. Furthermore, it's unclear which of us would be better in the workforce and which would be better at home. I'm better at teaching and being patient, but he's better at making sure a good dinner ends up on the table every night. Meanwhile he's earned more than me for most of our time together, but I'm out earning him at the moment, so it's hard to tell who has the higher earning potential. For now, we're sticking with the status quo, but we're definitely giving serious thought to whether or not there are other options we'd prefer.

We struggled with the same decision and ultimately decided to both continue to work. Had we decided she would stay home, it would not have worked out well for our finances because my career hit a brick wall.

[TexasHusker]

Whoa. I did not quite expect this turn in the discussion.
And does this primarily apply to women (which I find disturbing on a personal level) or to men too (and if so, how is society expected to function if it applies to both?).

I was not saying that being a stay at home mother is my goal in life.
Me staying at home for the first 1-2 years of baby's life is a temporary option we have elected to take based on our family's needs, very particular circumstances, priorities, logistics... etc. It is a rational choice that accounts for upsides and downsides, based on overall benefit to all 4 family members. It is not an emotional choice based on a sweeping statement.

The concept of institutionalizing our offspring and contracting out much of their raising to a third party, for the betterment of the bank statement (or for something more stimulating - take your pick), is yet a very recent phenomenon: Such would have been unthinkable throughout most cultures, throughout most of human history, until a few decades ago, in all but the most impoverished family circumstances.

Whether or not this is progress for the family unit, or degradation of it, is debatable, though my opinion is the latter.

[phantom]

The concept of institutionalizing our offspring and contracting out much of their raising to a third party, for the betterment of the bank statement, is yet a very recent phenomenon: Such would have been unthinkable throughout most cultures, throughout most of human history, until a few decades ago, in all but the most impoverished family circumstances.

Whether or not this is progress for the family unit, or degradation of it, is debatable, though my opinion is the latter.

While not quite as recent a phenomena, the idea that parents should take on most of the responsibility of raising kids rather than let it be the responsibility of the community is also a fairly recent phenomena. I think each family needs to find an appropriate balance. Having kids and then being too busy to handle any of the work of raising them is definitely crazy. But, I think there is also danger in going to the opposite extreme and never seeking outside help.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I think no matter what you make or how much you have it's what you do with it at the end of the day. You can be super rich and dissatisfied. You can be poor and happy. It's about perspective.

Try being us and having no income for 11 months. Those 11 month we know what they are worth, quite a bit of money if I were to calculate. Not only that but we spent money living during that time. So has it made us happier? Yes but there are other factors involved.

Truth is that we aren't driven by money. DH would tell you that. He just passed on a job that paid substantially more than the one he took and potentially to make A LOT more because he wanted a better work life balance and time with me and the kids. I supported it because he prefers that job. At the end of the day our values align to being happy not necessarily rich. Of course the job he took pays really well to so perhaps we're lucky it just kinda all works out.

[tripods68]

There is no secret in health living. Stop drinking soda, fast food restaurants, combined a 30 minutes work out 4-5 days a week, sprint running, jogging, bootcamp type style workouts.

Personally, I run marathons to get in shape, averaging 20-30 street running miles per week.

[Nika]

The concept of institutionalizing our offspring and contracting out much of their raising to a third party, for the betterment of the bank statement (or for something more stimulating - take your pick), is yet a very recent phenomenon: Such would have been unthinkable throughout most cultures, throughout most of human history, until a few decades ago, in all but the most impoverished family circumstances.

Whether or not this is progress for the family unit, or degradation of it, is debatable, though my opinion is the latter.

It is also a recent phenomena that families, and even more so - women, have any control over their reproductive system. Women were pregnant thought out most of their reproductive years, and not many options came with that.

About half the children survived, and they were not treated like children today - they were workforce, to whatever their ability was at their age. They were also parent's retirement plan, and the way to eat when you are too old to work. Things are not the same, and not all was so rosy "throughout most of human history".

[Nutria]

The concept of institutionalizing our offspring and contracting out much of their raising to a third party, for the betterment of the bank statement (or for something more stimulating - take your pick), is yet a very recent phenomenon: Such would have been unthinkable throughout most cultures, throughout most of human history, until a few decades ago, in all but the most impoverished family circumstances.

Because housework took so much time and effort. "The husband and children need to to eat breakfast, so I'd better get up, start a fire in the coal-burning stove and get it warmed up enough to cook on..."

[Butterscotch]

There simply isn't a dollar figure that is a suitable replacement for staying at home and raising the children that you were blessed to bear.

Ugh, gross and offensive..