Do you know how much credit card debt your spouse has?

[disneysteve]

I think when you owe $10,000. (in 1990 dollars) in credit cards, it shouldn't have to be formally brought up.

It absolutely should be formally brought up. Before I got married, my wife-to-be knew about my student loan debt and I knew about her auto loan. There were no surprises after the wedding.

[summerdsea]

Yes! All of our finances are together and I'm in charge of them. I think it is important that a marriage have no secrets and all finances are combined.

[Snydley]

Thanks for the replies. I think I most amazed by the fact that my friends just.don't.want.to.think.about.it. These are otherwise normal, sensible people. I'm under the impression that my generation (Gen X) is going to be BROKE and unable to retire. Doctors, lawyers, everyone. I actually find my friends with M.D.s and J.D.s seem to think they deserve the 'better' (materialistic) life, so they pay the minimum on their hefty student loans, take out the fat mortgage, take nice vacations, and figure it will all work out because their income is on the higher side.

I also find that my generation has parents working too many hours with young kids and the marriage is strained from all the lack of free time/pressure..so battling over finances/forcing a real budget would be the straw breaking the camel's back on the relationship.

[Nutria]

seem to think they deserve the 'better' (materialistic) life

Blame Don Draper's successors for spending a *lot* of money on psychologists to determine exactly how to push people's buttons.

[disneysteve]

I actually find my friends with M.D.s and J.D.s seem to think they deserve the 'better' (materialistic) life, so they pay the minimum on their hefty student loans, take out the fat mortgage, take nice vacations, and figure it will all work out because their income is on the higher side.

This is not unique to your generation. I'm a 50-year-old doctor and I've seen the very same thing among my peers.

In fact, years ago my family and I were featured in an article in a national financial magazine for physicians. The article focused on how we didn't buy into the doctor lifestyle. We bought a modest home, drove older cars, cooked at home mostly, took budget vacations, shopped at thrift stores, etc. The editors felt that my story was unusual enough to devote a multi-page article with several photos.

[Nutria]

This is not unique to your generation. I'm a 50-year-old doctor and I've seen the very same thing among my peers.

The relevant change in culture started in the 1970s and so affected our (you and I are the same age) parents (the Me Generation, "you *deserve* a break today"). It "just" really picked up steam in the 1980s.

[frugalfarmwife]

I have to kind of laugh at this thread, I know exactly what is owed, hubby has no idea, BUT, I keep track daily and on the rare occasion tell him if he needs to cut it back a bit for farm supplies, tools, etc for the month, he's fine with it. We use CC's for all expenses and I pay them off monthly and do quite well with rewards.

I will say our relationship is not the norm, but my handling all the finances works best for us.

We both work, I joke that I'm an indian at work and the chief at home, while he's the chief at work and the indian at home.

It might not work for many but it works for us.

ff

[Nutria]

I have to kind of laugh at this thread, I know exactly what is owed, hubby has no idea, BUT, I keep track daily

But do you hide things from him? That's the question here. (My wife doesn't care either, but I show her things once or twice a month, and send her occasional "this is how much you have left to spend in 4 main categories" emails.)

[frugalfarmwife]

But do you hide things from him? That's the question here. (My wife doesn't care either, but I show her things once or twice a month, and send her occasional "this is how much you have left to spend in 4 main categories" emails.)

Oh I tell him but I don't know if he really listens or not. Honestly it may seem really strange, he totally trusts me (with good reason) and I don't think he really cares.

We come from completely different backgrounds financially, I learned the hard way from my moms struggles to keep the budget in balance. Hubby was from a family that dad controlled everything and they didn't learn a thing.

We really do mesh well. I joke that I can make copper wire our of a penny. He hands me the pennies he finds.

ff

[disneysteve]

But do you hide things from him? That's the question here. (My wife doesn't care either, but I show her things once or twice a month

Oh I tell him but I don't know if he really listens or not. Honestly it may seem really strange, he totally trusts me (with good reason) and I don't think he really cares.

I totally understand this. My wife and I are the same way. I handle the finances. I go over everything with her from time to time. By her own admission, it goes in one ear and out the other. She trusts me. She knows that I know what I'm doing and that everything is being taken care of. She knows where to find all of the information if anything were to happen to me. She sees no reason to be any more involved than that.

[dawnwes]

All of our accounts are joint so I know how much he spends and how much we owe. I usually pay everything off, but occasionally we have a balance.

[adpiterp]

Yes. Absolutely. This is one of the top things we talked about before getting serious. We are in our early 30s and it's amazing how many people still hate talking about money. We always have a zero balance on our credit cards (pay in full every month). Honestly, I'm not sure I could be with someone who isn't on the same page as me as saving and finances.