Partner won't let you cut costs?

[ncole1]

I want to make all purchases, including car and house, with cash. I am currently single and in grad school in Maryland, the median annual salary for PHDs in my field is around $70k. No debt, but less than $30,000 of savings (Grad school doesn't pay well....).

I would like to be able to just keep living with roommates close enough to work to walk and eating simple food, even when I make thrice what I do now, and save hyper-aggressively for a few years. Will this make it hard to have a relationship (if I want to and have a chance)? A close friend tells me women won't let me be a cheapskate.
But I really don't want to spend money I don't have, now or in the future, because that would make me a slave to the banks! In our culture it seems everybody just expects people to spend money they don't have, but this expectation is absurd and makes people poor. Do women sometimes understand or is it hopeless?

[NetSkyBlue]

You have no chance. All women spend money like water and will never allow you to save.

Are you for real? You're single, you have every opportunity to look for a partner with the same values you have.

[Baby_nurse]

Now I don't know NetSkyBlue...if I didn't have all these smart men to show me what I was doing wrong, I d probably be living in a cardboard box , but looking FABULOUS in my Manolo Blahnik's

[bennkar]

You need to understand that while what your friend may be telling you is true with a majority, it is far from true with all women. You need to be firm and upfront with any woman you get involved with on how your finances are handled (since its important to you). If she can't accept it, then move on. Its that simple.

I am currently with a girl I went to college with that is almost as frugal as I am, so it can work out. Just be ready to stick to your guns in the meantime.

[ncole1]

You have no chance. All women spend money like water and will never allow you to save.

Are you for real? You're single, you have every opportunity to look for a partner with the same values you have.

Which of those is sarcasm?

[ncole1]

You need to understand that while what your friend may be telling you is true with a majority, it is far from true with all women. You need to be firm and upfront with any woman you get involved with on how your finances are handled (since its important to you). If she can't accept it, then move on. Its that simple.

I am currently with a girl I went to college with that is almost as frugal as I am, so it can work out. Just be ready to stick to your guns in the meantime.

That's good to know. I just have to be really careful when drawing my lines so that I don't get myself into trouble on the one hand and aren't so selective I never find "the right one" on the other hand (I also don't want to put up with someone who drinks too much or smokes, or is too devoutly religious, pro-violence, anti-science, etc.) Life is full of trade-offs I guess.

[Petunia 100]

Which of those is sarcasm?

You have asked a question about "women", as though slightly more than half of the people on the planet have identical financial values.

Which one is sarcasm? I will take a wild shot in the dark and guess the first statement is the sarcastic one.

[shaggy]

Sexist much?

men can be just as crappy at over spending as women.

[scfr]

Read Chapter 6 (Choice of Spouse) of "The Millionaire Mind" for your answer.

[disneysteve]

Let's see. My wife of 21 years (next month) doesn't wear makeup or perfume, cuts her own hair, owns $5 jeans from Goodwill, loves to cook (as do I), was putting 50% of her income into her 401k until she left her job 2 weeks ago, clips coupons, shops sales, loves the outlet stores but even there will head straight to the clearance rack, shall I go on.

Of course there are plenty of women who are smart with their money. You just need to find one.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

But I really don't want to spend money I don't have, now or in the future, because that would make me a slave to the banks! In our culture it seems everybody just expects people to spend money they don't have, but this expectation is absurd and makes people poor. Do women sometimes understand or is it hopeless?


I assure you there would be plenty of women who do not want to become mixed up with a partner who spends into debt. Insane. I'd run the other way.

To be honest, one of the things that attracted me to my husband was his generosity. His generosity to everybody. He was/is generous with money, time, and abilities. But he did not spend what he did not have; he was clearly responsible with his money. Why would I want an irresponsible partner? Responsibility and moderation are attractive, too.

Moving along to the next generation, I had to smile when I heard that one of the first dates my own son had with his girlfriend was a shopping trip to Goodwill! Evidently, they did some of the discussion about money and values right up front. No doubt it was part of how they recognized they might be suitable for each other.

[phantom]

That's good to know. I just have to be really careful when drawing my lines so that I don't get myself into trouble on the one hand and aren't so selective I never find "the right one" on the other hand (I also don't want to put up with someone who drinks too much or smokes, or is too devoutly religious, pro-violence, anti-science, etc.) Life is full of trade-offs I guess.

In general, I'd suggest being very open minded about who you date and very selective about who you really commit to. Sometimes things that you think will be deal-breakers really aren't, and sometimes people can change a bit. My husband and I thought our religious differences would be a deal-breaker when we first started dating, but our beliefs turned out to be closer than we first thought. If we'd been too selective, we would have missed out on a great relationship.

Also, keep in mind that where you're meeting women has a lot to do with the sort of women you'll find. If you want someone who is careful with money and doesn't drink a lot, you don't want to look for dates at a bar. If you want someone who isn't too devoutly religious, you don't want to look for dates at a church group for 20-somethings. That's not to say that there aren't people in bars who drink in moderation and can manage money and that there aren't people in church groups whose religious views you might be okay with. It's just that your odds of finding the sort of person you're looking for in those places are lower.

Instead make sure you get involved with activities that the sort of girl you'd like to meet is likely to do too. For example, a girl you meet a free science lecture is unlikely to be anti-science (unless she's protesting outside), and people who attend free events at least know that you don't have to spend money to do something interesting.

I met my husband playing a board game at a club. The club was free, so any guys I met there were at least open to free ways to have fun, and the game involved a lot of thinking, so the guys I met also enjoyed mental stimulation. Both of those things were pretty important to me, so that was a good start.

[MonkeyMama]

In general, I'd suggest being very open minded about who you date and very selective about who you really commit to.

Whoa, I think this sums up my dating philosophy perfectly. !! Very good advice.

Of course reading the OP's list of requirements didn't sound to me like a particularly tall order. So don't meet people in bars and churches and in the mall??? Go do frugal things, and you meet frugal people. It's really pretty simple.

[shaggy]

A lot of the problems with young men is that they want to date super models. If you think you're going to find a frugal version of "Insert name of this year's model", you're dreaming.

[JoeP]

I think you'll find that your natural spending habits will align with the habits of others, and you'll naturally meet like-minded people. If not, at least be up front about what you're doing and why. Someone who laughs and points is probably not going to work out, even if or when your frugal habits change over time. Someone who says they're doing the same thing or totally understands your situation may be eligible for further conversation!