New here!

[SingleMom]

I was beyond excited to find this site! My first post is long, but I've been looking for help everywhere, and I thought this may finally be the place for some real advice.

I'm an almost 25 year old mother of 2 amazing children. My daughter is 7 and my son is 3. Yes, I had my daughter at 17. I did graduate high school, and have minimal college (but maintained 4.0). I live in Daddy's basement , because there is no other choice.

Both of my children have various needs. My daughter is autistic (and plays the violin), and is allergic to dairy and tomato products. My son is probably autistic, but right now is labeled with sensory processing disorder, and he also has food allergies. He's being evaluated for an eosinophilic disorder, celiacs, and a few other gastro issues.

My little man has been booted from his share of daycare, leaving me jobless (thank gd for my father!). I've been jobless since january of 2007. I am on public assistance and food stamps. I have nothing of my own. My car is in my dad's name, I have a cell phone because he doesn't want me without one since I have his only grandkids, and I don't even own this computer.

I mentioned college, but that's also a daycare issue with my son, he was kicked out again and I had to stop school. My father works and can't watch the kids. We can't get SSI because I need school documentation for the kids, and the schools are not willing. My son is in a special ed program but only for 2.5 hours per day (I've fought to the death trying to increase and it isn't happening). If I could find a real work at home job, or find something to support my family on 2 hours per day and only on school days, I would do it in a heart beat!

I have tons of little medical bills floating around, $4000 for stitches many years ago, $100 here and there for ER docs not covered. I also have 2 unpaid cell bills, and a low macy's bill. They're all old. I have no credit cards, and I will not get another cell in my name until I win the lottery!

How do I get out of this rut? It's been a never ending cycle since my daughter was born. I don't have a lot of job experience, and certaintly nothing to make a career out of. I just have to get through another year. My son starts kindergarten in september of 2009, and then the school has to do something, because when they suspend him, I will not pick him up (I've been fighting early intervention and the preschool special ed since he was 8 months, and we've gotten very minimal help, so it'll be an "I told you so situation"). But even when school starts, what do I do about vacations, early days, and the summer? There are no appropriate programs for a food allergic autistic child! I do not have friends, and while I physically have family, they're not any help (to babysit, let me vent, etc., they're there to invite you to parties, and show up to yours).

This isn't a poor me, or sob story thing. I just want to stop relying on my father and be able to take care of my family. I don't know how to do it! At almost 25 years old, I've never been responsible for more than gas in my car, food for us, and physically caring for myself and my children. I've never had bills to pay, utilities, mortage, car payments, etc. If I didn't have children, I would have expected my father to kick me out long ago, but he isn't going to boot his grandchildren.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

ETA: I have no credit cards, bank accounts, savings, minimal cash, etc.

[JanH]

First of all, don't beat yourself up anymore at being 25 and "never been responsible for more than gas, etc." because you seem to be a very responsible person for taking care of two special kids with health issues. Having known many college aged kids, I've known some who are still finding their way. You have a lot on your young shoulders! I have no advice for you...there are others who will be able to help more...but I want to commend you for trying to set a future for yourself and your children. When my DS had some speech issues, the school system said they were responsible for getting him outside speech help if they couldn't do the job within the school system. We didn't have to use it, but that totally surprised me. I hope that your school system has the requirements to aid in any learning or discipline help you might need. Then, you can chart a course for yourself. I'm glad you are here and hope that others will be able to help you with your questions. Keep us posted on how you and your family are doing.

[maat55]

I was beyond excited to find this site! My first post is long, but I've been looking for help everywhere, and I thought this may finally be the place for some real advice.

I'm an almost 25 year old mother of 2 amazing children. My daughter is 7 and my son is 3. Yes, I had my daughter at 17. I did graduate high school, and have minimal college (but maintained 4.0). I live in Daddy's basement , because there is no other choice.

Both of my children have various needs. My daughter is autistic (and plays the violin), and is allergic to dairy and tomato products. My son is probably autistic, but right now is labeled with sensory processing disorder, and he also has food allergies. He's being evaluated for an eosinophilic disorder, celiacs, and a few other gastro issues.

My little man has been booted from his share of daycare, leaving me jobless (thank gd for my father!). I've been jobless since january of 2007. I am on public assistance and food stamps. I have nothing of my own. My car is in my dad's name, I have a cell phone because he doesn't want me without one since I have his only grandkids, and I don't even own this computer.

I mentioned college, but that's also a daycare issue with my son, he was kicked out again and I had to stop school. My father works and can't watch the kids. We can't get SSI because I need school documentation for the kids, and the schools are not willing. My son is in a special ed program but only for 2.5 hours per day (I've fought to the death trying to increase and it isn't happening). If I could find a real work at home job, or find something to support my family on 2 hours per day and only on school days, I would do it in a heart beat!

I have tons of little medical bills floating around, $4000 for stitches many years ago, $100 here and there for ER docs not covered. I also have 2 unpaid cell bills, and a low macy's bill. They're all old. I have no credit cards, and I will not get another cell in my name until I win the lottery!

How do I get out of this rut? It's been a never ending cycle since my daughter was born. I don't have a lot of job experience, and certaintly nothing to make a career out of. I just have to get through another year. My son starts kindergarten in september of 2009, and then the school has to do something, because when they suspend him, I will not pick him up (I've been fighting early intervention and the preschool special ed since he was 8 months, and we've gotten very minimal help, so it'll be an "I told you so situation"). But even when school starts, what do I do about vacations, early days, and the summer? There are no appropriate programs for a food allergic autistic child! I do not have friends, and while I physically have family, they're not any help (to babysit, let me vent, etc., they're there to invite you to parties, and show up to yours).

This isn't a poor me, or sob story thing. I just want to stop relying on my father and be able to take care of my family. I don't know how to do it! At almost 25 years old, I've never been responsible for more than gas in my car, food for us, and physically caring for myself and my children. I've never had bills to pay, utilities, mortage, car payments, etc. If I didn't have children, I would have expected my father to kick me out long ago, but he isn't going to boot his grandchildren.

Thanks for any advice you can give.

ETA: I have no credit cards, bank accounts, savings, minimal cash, etc.

I sympathize for your situation. I can't think of a single easy answer. Your children obviously need continuous care. I think you need your parents help greatly and you should be humble to their suggestions if in good will.

I understand your fathers position, this situation is a fathers worse nightmare for his daughter. Your childrens well being is of most importance over any other desires. Hopefully you can find some time during this situation to aquire skills to get a good job. Establishing time to go to work is your first need to fill.

Your going to need your parents and if possible, help from an local church. I wish you well.

[Angio333]

You are truely in a very diffcult situation. I do not know much about autism or any programs that are out there for kids suffering from it. I would suggest contacting the Autism Society of America. They maybe able to help you find programs, daycares, or schools in your area.

Their web site is: Autism Society of America:

I also llike maat55's advice for contacting your church for help. AMny churches have funds set aside to help families in need. If they don't have money to help you at this time, they can help you spiritually. That will help give you the strength to deal with everything.

[mom2manyboyz]

Welcome to this list. I want you to know that I understand you situation. I also have to children with special needs. However, I was lucky in that I had a job that I enjoyed before my first child with a disability was born. I actually went part-time at work to allow more time for my child. Then I adopted another child that had the same disability. Their needs are time consuming, but I adore them. I -work part-time away from home and I also have several "work at home" jobs.

I volunteer as a special education advocate. I mention that because you said you battled with the school about increasing sped room time. If there is an organization in your area that supports parents of special needs children they will be able to put you in touch with a special education advocate. They can help you at the school.

I don't mean to sound like I'm promoting my blog. But, I compiled a list there some time ago of legitimate work at home jobs. The links are not paid ads. They are there as a resource mostly for me , as my blog doesn't get a lot of traffic. Heather's Telecommuting Blog Maybe you can find something there that you can do from home. You won't get rich working from home... but it is something.

As far as daycare goes, in my opinion your children are better off with you home. Cherish the time you can spend with them now because it goes by fast. (My children that don't have special needs are grown.) Someday your little ones won't need daycare and you can go back to work.

If I can help you find a work at home job, just PM me. I know which ones work with children in the background.

[tripods68]

I almost cried reading your post. You seem to be a wonderful mother with strong nurturing kind.

I don't know what state you live, but there is usually many programs available for kids diagnosed with Austism. You might want to call your state health department, which usually have the resources to refer people to get certain treatment program like ABA Therapy.

In addition, I found this site that might be helpful to you and your kids.

Autism-PDD Message Boards


Welcome to this board. God Bless.

[ActYourWage]

Yes Indeed this post touched my heart too. If you are not involved with a good church, I would find a good local church and please don't be afraid to ask for some help. They should be so ready to help a single mom with 2 kids. Your father sounds like he has really taken care of you. I know you are grateful for that by reading your post. I'll try to post more when I think of some ideas that may help.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

As far as help goes for childcare, possibly enabling you to have a job: Have you had to give up on the father(s)? What about grandparents on the father's side of the family? Or aunts and uncles there? Does taking care of your children require special skills and inordinate dedication?

Is your child with sensory processing disorder getting help? There are programs which rely on a lot of parent training and parent intervention. The work is intense. I'm trying to think of the name of one. Linda Bell Mood / Linda Mood Bell, maybe? Also, in some states sensory processing disorder would qualify a pre-school age child for speech services. If you can lick this problem you will be giving your child a huge boost in life, a boost whose effects will immediately and forever payoff.

Honestly, if my kids had the problems yours have, I would research my behind off to find what city to move to to get services and education for them, even if I had to go live in a stranger's basement in an unknown city.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Where are the fathers of these children? Do they have jobs? Are they able to contribute? Well go after them. They should be helping you financially if not in other cases. You need financial help even if you can't leave the basement, you could use it to get a college degree or a trade degree.

Have you considered a 2 year degree like nursing something that pays well? That would help you get employed.

Also talk to the social workers who do your food stamps. Explain your situation and ask for help. They will do it. My mom was a single mom, with a sick kid, and a social worker. I know who worked tirelessly and for free for other women in similar situations. She got them tons of help and often guided them to get educated in some sort of skill. Look for help, it's there.

[bullabulla]

One of my ex-colleague ( lost job recently ) has 2 kids and he did some research on which states help with the Insurance for Kids.

He found that Nashville, TN has such scheme where if the parents can't afford the insurance or dont have, state will help..

See I may be wrong, but i hope this would help you

Another idea: How about running a child care center at home. Home day care is allowed with restriciton of 5 children etc and many times i have seen families prefer home day care as it is cheaper and doesnt have the usual penalties associated with the regular centers

[jIM_Ohio]

You need to start working and many problems will be cured from generating an income. What type of jobs have you had in the past?

[Gailete]

Along with another poster, I'm wondering where the father of your children is at and what he is contributing. He/they ARE the father and SHOULD be paying some type of support and helping care for the children giving you needed break time.

Autistic kids can be hard, I know as I have one myself. I have found generally that the so called normal approaches don't work for these kids. I always had to find a 'back door' into my boy, but it was worth it. Work with what you've got. One thing though, is you can't assume all bad behavior is due to the autism. Even an autistic child needs boundaries and loving discipline. I'm concerned that you assume your son will automatically be kicked out of school, yet the people working with him don't seem to think his problems are serious enough for special help. Be sure you aren't using the potential for autism as an excuse for allowing bad behavior.

You mentioned the dietary needs of your kids. My autistic child had problems too until I learned that many of his acting out behaviors was simple hunger that he couldn't express. Finally in his 20's he understands that certain moods of his means he is hungry and he knows to eats. Realizing they have food allergies makes it more difficult to feed them, but I would think that small snacks more frequently might help with behavior issues as I found this was really the absolute biggest behavior problem I had was really just a very hungry child.

You may be living in a basement, but try to get out for fresh air and take advantage of any nearby parks, libraries, playgrounds as possible. Your children need the socialization. If you are near a library, they have amazing resources. Not only can you find things for your children, but you can pick up books to self teach yourself just about anything. You may not be able to go to college or school now, but setting yourself into a self learning plan would be great.

Make sure you are taking good care of yourself with proper food (lots of good ideas here on stretching those food stamps), rest when the kids wind down, no smoking, no drinking, stay away from sugary foods, etc. so that you will feel good and be able to cope better with your circumstances.

There are all sorts of ways to make money using the internet ( I assume you are using your dad's?) but they do take time and don't really pay a large amount at first. What you can use it for is learning how to stretch what you do have and learn some good frugal habits. Use the internet to learn what you would like to get into when the kids are older and in school.

Kids don't stay little for long, even the special needs ones grow and magically one day you realize that you are over the hump.

Let us know how you are doing.

[herm4]

Welcome!!!

[samonwheels]

Yes Indeed this post touched my heart too. If you are not involved with a good church, I would find a good local church and please don't be afraid to ask for some help. They should be so ready to help a single mom with 2 kids. Your father sounds like he has really taken care of you. I know you are grateful for that by reading your post. I'll try to post more when I think of some ideas that may help.