i don't know where to put this....

[irmanator]

ok I know this is not exactly the correct forum but i don't know where else to go and you guys are so smart.

Ok so my 14 yr old son is been stealing from his sister, hoarding my grocery in his dresser. I discovered the groceries when i was looking for my daughters money. didn't find the money though but he had had a lot to spend that day supposedly from cashing in bottles. i took his cell phone away as punishment. he went into my room and took it back. I took it away again and told him he would lose it permantly. i put it in my purse this time. came home from work did some stuff in the yard he was there with me as part of the punishment. I had to shower to go to a mtg. went and looked in my purse for a pen. cell phone was gone. came home confronted him. he said "do you think i am stupid to take it after you telling me it would be permanant" Well i got it back from him cause apparently he was stupid enough. this time it is in my work locker. I checked his texts and he is sending nasty text messages. Like telling a male friend he should go out with a certain girl cause she puts out.
I confronted him about that. he didn't really have an explanation.
and just today found out he stole rolled up coin from his grandma.

I am at my witts end. His sisters never gave me this kind of trouble.

[arthurb999]

Alaskan military school

[ScrimpAndSave]

Alaskan military school

LOL

I love this answer.

Honestly, I wish I can help...but I don't have any advice. I can say this is one of the main reasons why I won't have kids though...I wouldn't want to deal with that.

[irmanator]

I am sorry to me this is a serious situation and you are making fun. I thought i might get serious responses. sorry for wasting your time.

[DebbieL]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your son. I honestly don't have the answers. I have a 16 year old daughter myself, and while we don't have the same issues you are having with your son, it sure can be hard at times. I find it very difficult to communicate with her for the most part she shuts me out of her life. I do know that she will think NOTHING of lying to me to cover her own arse if she's done something wrong (just like your son). It doesn't matter how many times the consequences of doing so are explained to her, she just doesn't seem to "get it". Do you have access to any sort of counseling for him? I don't really know how effective this is. My daughter went until it got hard - she had no desire to do the real work that would help with her issues (she has social anxiety, anger issues at times).

I wish I had the answers for you, but I find I don’t even have the answers for myself. I can totally sympathize with your situation though.

[zakity]

Um... Well, military school is actually a good suggestion.

DH and I were talking about sending one of ours possibly. Poor guy went through 4 to 5 years of puberty in 2 years (from 10 to 12 went from little boy to a "man"). People think the kid is like 15 or 16 and he just turned 13. We were having massive issues with him (aggressive, being a butt, etc). But, it has calmed down (think it was just massive testosterone dumps **fingers crossed**).

Actually, I thought the Alaskan military school was sort of serious. If they are in Alaska, you definately aren't going to be drooling over the girls in their layers and their parkas. And, there is a good portion of the year that "parking" is out.

What about handcuffing him to you at all times? Make him explain to people when they ask how come he is handcuffed to you.

What about pulling him out of school and homeschooling him (you could use a correspondence high school)? Hire a babysitter to be with him if you work. If he isn't going to act in a manner where he can be trusted, then he needs a babysitter.

What about counseling/therapy?

Check out the "rules" for your state. I know that in Oregon, you only have to supply them with a roof, clothes, and food. It doesn't have to be their own room, it doesn't have to be the correct gender or fitting clothes, and it doesn't have to be food that they like.

What about pulling everything out of his room except the bed, a desk, and a few changes of clothes? Oh yeah, take the door off the hinges too. He has to earn everything back.

Tell him he better straighen up or you will go to school with him for a day. Wear something that would embarrass him (dress like you did when you were in high school or something).

Drop him off for school in a bathrobe and curlers and a bad lipstick job. Make sure to get out and chase after him with a "forgotten" paper/homework in hand.

Threatening to publicly kissing my oldest works wonders. I dip him and give him pecks all over his face. It only took once or twice and now I just have to threaten to publicly kiss him and he straightens right up. **snort** You try keeping a straight face when you are "threatening" your child (finger pointing and mean voice and everything) with publicly kissing them. "Do I need to publicly kiss you, young man?" Forewarning: People cracking up around you lessens it's effectiveness somewhat.

I hope you find a solution. We haven't had the stealing problem.

[blankcheck]

Sometimes the punishments of society itself are the only line left to cross. It doesn't sound like your fault. If you can't tolerate his stealing; he has no respect for your authority; and you are out of legit ways to deal with him, then let the law handle it. If you think it's a phase, then ride it out.

Best of luck.

[swanson719]

I think I might be able to help with this considering this is almost exactly how I was, sans the stealing money. I was the type that if my step-dad yelled at me, I'd get back in his face and yell right back. They called the cops a couple of times, but that didn't do anything to scare me. He's 14, so you can't have him emancipated, though I would if you could. Honestly, the thing that got me to change the most was that I was chasing a girl who turned out to be a very devout Christian. I followed her to church a couple times a week, and at first straightened up because I wanted to date her, but then realized I got along better with other people too. Definitely try church. If that doesn't, then I second military school. I'm active duty, and while basic isn't what it used to be, being woken up at 2 in the morning after going to bed at midnight isn't so nice either.

[mom-from-missouri]

Have you tried counseling? We went through this with my stepdaughter. In this state you can call the local authorities and tell them you have "teen out of parential control" and the sheriff dept will intervene to a certain extent. We hoped it would scare her straight, but it didn't...

[financialnut]

I'm not sure what to tell you. My wife and I are only thinking about having children.

Good luck. I hope everything works out okay.

[wnlbutterfly]

What else does he have that means something to him? A computer, a TV, iPod?? I would be taking everything away and make him earn it back. The problem is a lot of kids think they are entitled to all their little toys. Lock it away even if you have to rent a storage unit to do so.

Get Counseling. Is he having issues at school too? Go to the library and get some books on parenting (Tough Love and that sort of stuff).

Each child is different, so it doesn't matter what worked with his sisters, it obviously isn't working with him. And try not to compare...don't say to him "your sister never acted this way". That is a sure way to just make it worse. Why would he WANT to act like his sister?

Best of luck!

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Irmanator, I'm afraid I don't think this is a very good forum to get advice on this matter. It does sound like there are some serious problems, so I think you are doing right to start asking others for advice and help. Please check your private messages here and I'll send you a link, but I do think you need to make some phone calls locally and get in-person help as soon as possible. Honestly, I think I would call his doctor's office first.

You know what? The food hoarding is even more puzzling to me than the other problems. That makes me wonder if he doesn't have some really profound fear or mental illness. Maybe it is a separate matter from the other problems, or maybe it is related; I don't know. I'm just a parent, but I've never heard of that particular behavior in a teenager.

[noppenbd]

Difficult situation. If you want to take away the cell phone I would call the cell phone company and have them block all calls and texts inbound and outbound from his phone. This way even if he finds the phone he can't use it.

[Hot dog]

I can totally sympathize with you. It is such a difficult situation and nobody knows the answers. I agreee with getting him in church and sports. Anything that is positive that will keep him busy and out of trouble. The friends kids have are such an influence on them so make sure you know their friends and be involved. Have parties at your house so you can get to know their friends. Have family outings so that he starts to enjoy your company again. I found that family vacations really help with the teenagers even if it is only a couple times a year. Eating dinner together is good also although sometimes not feasable. Tough love is also good and it sounds like you are really trying to enforce your rules but make sure you dont say anything your not willing to follow through on like take away the phone forever. I always told mine I would take their door off if they didn't respect my rules when I gave them the independence and privacy of their own room. I also agree that it is strange that he was hoarding food and that may be some kind of illness more than a kid acting out. You know your children more than we do so we can only offer suggestions and support but my heart and prayers definitely go out to you.

[rennigade]

You have a 14 year old son and he has a cell phone! Are you kidding me. Personally...I don't think the problem is with your son if you catch my drift?